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8 Surefire Signs You’re Too Old for Coachella

April 10, 2019

Age is totally just a number, but not when it comes to Coachella.

How old is too old to attend, you ask? We’ve rounded up eight undeniable signs it’s time to retire your flower crowns or Kanye shutter shades and move on to something else. Find out if you’ve hit your Coachella expiration below!

(Coachella via Instagram)

1. #Strollerchella is an Actual Thing for You

Okay, nothing against moms who love music at all, but if you can’t find someone to watch the kids, just don’t go. Bringing a stroller to the festival completely kills the vibe, and everyone around you will think so, too. Coachella will always be there, and you’ll definitely want to save it for a time when you can let loose and be care-free.

2. You Contemplate Streaming the Festival From Home Instead

Trust, we’re not even close to judging anyone for this because we’ve contemplated doing the same. Honestly though, if staying home is on your mind, it’s a surefire sign to stay back. We believe nothing beats immersing yourself in music for three days straight, and if you’re even slightly not onboard, this definitely isn’t the trip for you.

(Coachella via Instagram)

3. You Complain About the Festival on Social Media

There’s nothing worse than someone who attends the festival only to complain about it before, during and after. Do everyone else a favor and complain from the far away sidelines (aka not at the festival) if this is you. That’s the best solution for all parties involved.

4. The Hangover Just Isn’t Worth It Anymore

Once you’ve hit the point where the hangover isn’t worth it, it’s probably time to quit. Although everyone is clearly exhausted by the end of the festival, you should still leave with the satisfaction of a weekend well-spent, however blurry it may be.

(Coachella via Instagram)

5. You Don’t Know 80% of the Acts on the Lineup

It’s insanely difficult to keep up with all the new and trendy music coming out these days, but if you find yourself saying “who?” to more than 80% of the lineup, yikes. There’s no point in attending a festival where you don’t know most of the acts. It’s first and foremost always about the music, anyone who says otherwise is truly misinformed.

6. You Don’t Plan to Show Up Until 7 p.m.

If the all-day marathon does not sound appealing anymore, time to call it quits. It’s not really Coachella unless you’re five glasses of rosé in by 12 p.m., amirite? The older crowd always make themselves known by being the last in and first out. No shade, but we don’t really see the point then.

7. You Question Every Coachella-Centric Outfit You See at Stores

Part of the magic of Coachella is embracing the ridiculous festival wear. Question the sometimes-obscure fashion choices and you’ll know you’re getting too old. Appreciate those over-cropped tops, man-capes and unicorn costumes or you’ll just walk away with a headache.

(Coachella via Instagram)

8. You Leave Sunday Night Instead of Monday Morning

Sunday night leavers are the worst kind of Coachella-goers in our opinion. Although, on the other hand, we have no complaints because that means more room for the rest of us.

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