Being a hills resident is a total breath of fresh air.
We come home to indescribable views every day, we’re saved from transients trolling the local CVS and we avoid the glorious sounds of fire engines racing through main streets during every hour of the night—but let’s face it: No living situation is perfect, and the beautiful hills are no exception.
So to those who have ever lived up these windy roads, take a moment and relate to these nine struggles:
1. Two words: House Centipedes
They luckily disappeared after the first week I moved to the hills, but what are technically called House Centipedes circled my bedroom ceilings at night for the first week or so. Surprisingly according to online research, they are actually more helpful than harmful—But that said, I don’t think anyone wants insects of any sort lingering above where they sleep!
2. There’s no such thing as “casually” dropping off your car
If you’re coming from work or somewhere else and want to drop off your car before going out for the night, you better factor in at least 30 minutes. You’ve got to go up the hill, park your car, order your car service (I prefer Lyft), wait the 8-10 minutes it takes for your service to arrive and then head back down the hill. No simple (or cheap) process!
3. Either the person driving ahead of you is so incredibly slow and won’t pull over to let you pass (despite many brights-flashes and even honks) or they pull over to let you pass when it’s really not necessary and you feel obligated to drive faster than you planned
This one coincides with No. 4 below. Basically, any time there’s someone else on the road with you, you’re damned.
4. When there’s a really fast vehicle driving behind you and there really isn’t anywhere to pull over, you are stuck feeling obligated to zoom so that the other driver doesn’t honk
Nothing is worse than having a Porsche tailing behind you and you have nowhere to go! Help! Now you suddenly feel like you need to drive 15 mph faster than your safety allows—otherwise you’re going to be that annoying person on the road!
5. Friends love your pad, but they don’t love the windy distance to visit you up the hill
Consider the pre-party at anyone’s place but yours! And there’s no such thing as picking you up on the way to something, because no one is on the way to or from you. And on a rainy day? Don’t even think about getting visitors.
6. Your Lyft drivers always comment on how they don’t get service in your area and “boy, this is far” (it’s the hills—don’t they know what they signed up for?!)
Lyft drivers, as nice as they are, feel compelled to express their agony about that glowing ride up to get you. I get their frustration, but come on! If they took a look at their Lyft map, they’d see that, yes, this is a few minutes up a hill. I’m sorry you don’t have reception, but a few minutes down and we’ll be back on track!
7. Your credit card bill racks up more Seamless charges each month than pretty much anything else
From the expensive Lyfts to the Seamless food delivery charges, you’ve pretty much summed up your entire credit card statement from month to month. It’s not like you can walk anywhere in the hills, so delivery is your best option. I mean, after a long day’s work, the last thing you want to do is stop at Trader Joe’s, pick up groceries and hop in the kitchen.
8. You’ve gained at least five pounds since making the move
With nowhere to walk and your gym so. far. away, chances are if you’re anything like me, you’ve slacked a bit in your personal upkeep. Who needs to hit the gym/shop for groceries/live a civilized existence when you can nestle yourself far up the hill, have everyone deliver to you and call it a day?
9. You have at least three near-death experiences per week
It’s hard to say what people in nice cars gain from zooming down the hill, jeopardizing not only their life, but also putting their showy vehicles at risk. But yes, there’s never a dull moment when it comes to cars and hills. You just never know when something is going to jet out your way!